Triggered…

I have been feeling low for around two weeks now, one instance i even cried.
Tiny little memories creep in under my skin and it’s like dominos one memory drops then more follow.

We went to a pub on the weekend, and something as minute as a stair case has me back tracking to my childhood – i remember sitting playing a game machine with a packet of chips, while my mother was off drinking.

sometimes I try so hard to suppress these memories and then they seep out, i think it is being triggered by a book i am currently reading called eggshell skull. I was made to touch an older male when i was a child, I know so many minor details but i can’t seem to make much clarity in my head. Were there other incidents that my memory has blocked out?

Am I ever going to be able to truly love someone without the fear of abandonment?
Am I ever going to look in the mirror and not pick myself to pieces?
Am I ever going to be able to let go of my childhood?

Facebook posts trigger anger, books trigger sadness, mirrors trigger self hate. Christmas triggers anxiety.

I live in a small town, I am now looking to see if online help is a possibility.
I cannot let my mind suck me into a black hole. I cannot ruin another relationship out of fear.